Depersonalization and Derealization

My junior year of high school I was admitted to the hospital for cutting. Thankfully, they weren't life-threatening cuts. I could not stop though. I could not promise anyone that I would be safe. My mom took me to the hospital. They got me set up in a day program. Even with weeks of outpatient therapy, I could not stop cutting. So, I was admitted inpatient for a week. They had me go back to outpatient for a couple weeks. After that, I was discharged. The thing that helped me the most about the hospital was getting my medications right.

I knew I had anxiety and depression. Then I found out I had depersonalization and derealization. It wasn't until college that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Looking back, I have had minor symptoms of fibromyalgia my whole life that only got worse over the years. I've constantly felt like my life is a movie, a dream, or someone else's life. I always feel like I am on autopilot. It is so hard, feeling like your life isn't yours. I still have depersonalization and derealization. The difference is, I have learned to live with it. I view it like I view fibromyalgia. I'm not necessarily okay with it but it is what it is. Accepting things as they are is sometimes the best thing to do for yourself.
I have read that low dose naltrexone can treat not only depersonalization and derealization but fibromyalgia too. Unfortunately, I haven't tried it yet. I am hopeful though. At the bottom of the page, I have included links for more information.

At first, I was looking for cures and treatments non-stop. There was one point I realized it was doing me more harm than good. So I learned to accept it. In college, I listened to a talk from someone at church. It hit me then, we are animals. We have all heard of the fight or flight response. Well, there is another response, freeze. For some reason, I am always afraid. I am frozen. Therefore, I dissociate. The treatment that brought me close to reality was cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I replaced almost all of my thoughts with ‘I am safe, I am okay, and it is okay to feel.' It is more like a dimmer switch. The intensity lessened. I felt more connected. Unfortunately, it took a lot of time, energy and focus to get a short distance. I realize I go through phases, where it bothers me and times it doesn't. I do my best to accept it. I feel like acceptance is the best gift I can give myself.

About depersonalization/derealization
 
Depersonalization/derealization and naltrexone
 
 Fibromyalgia and naltrexone
 
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

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