Worth it!

One moment can change everything! Whether it be marriage, a baby or a diagnosis. It is amazing how one moment can change everything! My diagnosis changed everything. It gave me a sense of relief. I had been searching for an answer for years. I actually asked my primary doctor about fibromyalgia. She just dismissed it as stress. A year later I asked my psychiatrist for a referral to a rheumatologist. When I saw the rheumatologist, she agreed it was fibromyalgia. It's incredible how much relief can come from a diagnosis. Now whenever something "weird" happens with my body, I look up fibromyalgia and the symptom. Every time so far, there is a connection to fibromyalgia. If you are reading this, you probably know fibromyalgia sucks! Not having a label or a reason sucks worse though. Instead of being the person with the weird, random symptoms. I at least have a community now. I have a label. Having a label is empowering, even when it's not a label you necessa...

Bad stuff happens, unfortunately, that is something that is out of our control. There is only so much we can do. Having a chronic illness, we have been dealt a bad hand. It is horrible. Nobody deserves it. I do not know why we have to suffer like we do. It certainly is not fair. I cannot make the pain go away for myself, or for others. There are so many things that I cannot do. However, I can change my attitude.    Event + reaction = outcome I cannot change the fact I have fibromyalgia. I can change how I respond Fibromyalgia + acceptance has a more positive outcome than Fibromyalgia + unacceptance   I can learn my triggers, what helps my symptoms, the best way to distract myself, etc. rather than focusing on the 'cannot.' I try my best to focus on the 'can.' It is hard, especially at first. Nobody wants to accept that they have a chronic illness. It's not fair. However, I believe acceptance is one of the best gifts you can give yourself!   Wh...

Pain as prayer We all experience pain. Some of us have more emotional pain and some of us have chronic pain. However, pain is pain and it is not easy for anyone. Offering it up to a higher power is one way that helps me fight through it. I believe this can be beneficial to anyone who believes in a higher power. It helps you feel connected, which helps you fight! Offer your pain up: - For others struggling - For a loved one - For someone with depression - For someone with anxiety - For those who feel helpless - For your husband - For someone's soul Today I am going to offer up my pain for _______________. Why do it? - Helps you find peace, purpose, and meaning in your suffering - Person/group of people (it can be a specific or general intention) - It is a way to pray all day - Helps you fight What it has done for me I was first introduced to this concept in college. Ever since I have learned about it I have loved it. So much so that it has stuck with me for years. I haven't pra...

My junior year of high school I was admitted to the hospital for cutting. Thankfully, they weren't life-threatening cuts. I could not stop though. I could not promise anyone that I would be safe. My mom took me to the hospital. They got me set up in a day program. Even with weeks of outpatient therapy, I could not stop cutting. So, I was admitted inpatient for a week. They had me go back to outpatient for a couple weeks. After that, I was discharged. The thing that helped me the most about the hospital was getting my medications right. I knew I had anxiety and depression. Then I found out I had depersonalization and derealization. It wasn't until college that I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Looking back, I have had minor symptoms of fibromyalgia my whole life that only got worse over the years. I've constantly felt like my life is a movie, a dream, or someone else's life. I always feel like I am on autopilot. It is so hard, feeling like your life isn't yours....

It's definitely not easy but it helps that I have a meaningful job. I work at a day program for disabled adults. It is great because I get to go to movies and different awesome places and get paid for it.   Passion : it feels good to know that I am making a difference, especially through social connections. The participants have limitations too. They worry about being judged and being treated differently. The participants form bonds with the staff, change is hard for everyone, especially them. Even if someone misses a day, they notice. They notice the little things. They need stability in their life. That makes me feel needed and makes it worth it! The Struggle is Real : Working with fibro sucks. It is hard. So what I do to get through it? Remind myself I am a badass: Every fibro fighter is a badass, whether you have a job or not. Living with chronic pain is hard and it takes its toll on you. It's not only the physical toll it takes. It drains you emotionally. It makes ...

My Daughter Elizabeth In my profile I mention that I am a mother. This is true, but my baby girl was a stillbirth. It is amazing how this changed me. I found out on September 26, 2017 that my baby's heart wasn't beating any more. On September 28, 2017 I delivered my baby. I am grateful that it was a very easy delivery. I cannot imagine if it was long and painful. Having lost her was enough pain. It is still painful. After she was born, I held her as much as possible. Everyone needs different things, but that is what I needed. I am always afraid of scrolling on Facebook now. A lot of my friends are pregnant or have kids now. It is hard to look at what they post. It is a reminder of what I have lost. I have also posted though about how much her life gave me though. There are positives and negatives to every situation in life. I am happy for my friends, but it still stings. Fibromyalgia and pregnanc...

Some days I don't know how I get through the day. I have fibromyalgia and I deal with daily stressors. I could go on but nobody wants to hear how hard my life is. Everyone wants to know how to survive it. I don't have a perfect answer, but nobody will. I just focus on taking it one step at a time. I journal if I can. It always helps to express myself. Journaling isn't the only way. The other things that have personally really helped me are: o     Journaling ·          Journaling is my favorite way to express myself. It is easy to feel alone in this world. Journaling is a way to get it out. I don't have to worry about other people judging me because I can keep it for myself, if I choose to. A lot of the times I want to share my experiences though. Journaling is a safe haven for me. o     Knitting ·          My Nana taught me how to knit when I was younger. Th...

I realized something today and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Death damaged my relationship with God. Now, death is bringing me back to God. My baby girl is bringing me back to God. My baby girl was and is nothing but a gift. I just can't comprehend why she was taken from me. Would I have gone back to God if she were alive? Did she die so I would be with God again? It was nobody's choice, but it feels like His plan. But it makes me wonder about the different possibilities, the what-ifs. But that's not reality, this is. The fact is Elizabeth gave me, us, so much. She made me a mother and she brought me back to God. She gave me life again. I wholeheartedly believe in the Eucharist. I wholeheartedly believe the Eucharist is Christ. There is so much peace and beauty. I am so grateful that I am back again. I am so grateful that I cam out of the fire close to God again. I could pray and read the bible, but its not the same . Its not the same as sitting here in front of Je...

Life is a roller coaster. I have used that analogy so much in my life! It's true. It's a crazy ride. It is scary, there are highs and lows, but it leaves you feeling exhilarated. There are turns and twists, good times and bad. Life is an adventure. Sometimes you don't know how you get through, but you've gotten through to this point! There is always hope because there is always a future! I've been through a lot of bad stuff, at times I didn't see a way out, but I made it! I made it and I'm glad I did! My life is not easy. It feels impossible sometimes. So how do I get through? My go to is reminding myself that I am a badass! I remind myself and believe wholeheartedly that I have a heart of a warrior, that I am strong and nothing can stop me if I decide it won't. So far, it has worked. I've dealt with depression and suicidal ideation. I was hospitalized for cutting in high school. I have fibromyalgia which sucks! I thought I went through so much and ...